Feeling the Urge

This past weekend we stayed with my cousin and her little family. She is expecting her second child any day and has the sweetest little baby bump to prove it. Lately i have been feeling very content with my little family of four. Coming from a family of 7 i always wanted my own big, rambunctious family but the stress of having two little ones has had me second guessing that idea not to mention the fact that my husband is happy with sticking to a two kid maximum.

So with all this running through my head i assumed i was immune to catching any kind of baby fever, but i was wrong. Seeing that perfect little belly and watching her face as she felt kicks and movement i felt instant jealousy. I want that again and i want it now. I haven't had the easiest pregnancies (i talked about that here ) but yet i was wanting all of it, the backaches, heartburn, constant nausea...all of it just so i could feel that sweet baby growing and moving inside of me.

So now i feel torn. I know i don't have to make a decision right away, Knox is only 10 months and i gave myself a two year deadline to make a final decision. I just have to put my sudden desire aside, weigh out all of the pros and con's and just wait until i am certain that having another baby is the best thing for me, and my family. I just really don't want to make a decision that i will regret one day and i know that if i had another baby i would never regret it, but i could see regretting deciding not to. The idea of bringing another little Tara and Matt into the world makes my heart warm but thinking about more sleepless nights, the expense of another child and the constant craziness makes me hesitate and take a moment. So until i decide i am going to be dreaming of sweet baby bumps and the glorious smell of a newborn baby.